Out of My Comfort Zone

I have a hard time believing I am ok.  I struggle with the acceptance that I can do things.  This, in return, halts me from branching out and doing some things that would challenge me and possibly make me more of a well-rounded and confident person.  I have confidence.  I know I am a good mom (most days).  I know I am a patient and kind wife (again, most days). But still, I lack in believing in myself.  Years ago I decided to do something for myself and enrolled in the night course at Humber College to do Interior Design.  I LOVED being back at school.  I was scared silly - but was so glad to be sitting in the back of a class room with my pen and paper in hand - ready to tackle hues, colours and shades!  I had a great year and did really well.  However, I went and got pregnant and had to quit school.  Doh!  I was good at the design thing....but deep down was probably happy to have to resign as my next course was drafting and that was something I was scared of!  Years have come and gone and I find myself needing to push myself a little more now. 
Figure Skating.  Last year I decided I would do something new and different and again, challenge myself.  I wanted to  be able to glide on the ice like my kids and not look like a total dumbass on the rink.  Darren gave me lovely new skates for Christmas so there was no going back on all my hype-talk about going to do it.  So, skates and good attitude in hand, I signed up.  Let's just say - I could blog a bunch of different stories about how those 3 lessons went. Just know - they weren't pretty.  That being said, I developed a HUGE appreciation for what I yell at my kids to do on the ice. Its really hard stuff!!!   3rd lesson in, doing a backward 3 turn, I fell.  I broke my elbow.  What a moron!  So there went that dream....for now!  I plan on going back in the fall!  (hush now, all you nay-sayers!)
Running a 5K. That has been on my list of things to do too.  Again, am not generally confident - but have found a groove and can now run that length and more.  In all my insecurity, I am up for challenges.  I know, kinda mental - go figure!  This push out of my comfort zone  happens to be the run that is held at the Toronto Airport.  I was training for it last year and then broke my arm (due to my challenge to figure skate!) and so this year - am up for the task.  I am not one to do things simply or normally, so I have taken the idea of a race one step further.  That step involves a crazy-ass race called the Warrior Dash!  Mud, fire, barbed wire, crawling, climbing and running.  It's going to be messy and gross and exhilarating!  I simply can't wait to do this race and am so glad I have a good friend who is willing to do the impossible with me!  I am proud of myself for tackling these things (that being said, I have only signed up for them....let's just see how I survive them!) and for trying to push myself.  They may not involve digging wells in Africa or giving polio vaccinations in China - but I am doing things I never dreamed I could. 
Cue to cakes and cupcakes.  I love to decorate cupcakes.  I am no Cake Boss - but I love being in  the kitchen with my ipod and apron on (yes, I also wear clothes under the apron...usually :)!) and coming up with different ways of making something so little, fun.  I do cheat, I google ideas and search for direction....but in the end I know it's my hands making the treats - so I guess it's ok!    So, cakes.  I love to make them.  I love that people love them.  Recently a friend of  mine gave my name as a recommendation for a cupcake job (thanks Michelle!).  Boy, I was stressed about that one.  Michelle is an amazing caterer - and has the cake thing figured out!  So by recommending me - I was put in the position to do something terrifying (for me at least!) and I did not want to mess up.  Well, it all worked out - my cupcakes were a success and the client was happy and because of Michelle giving my name out I decided to make myself a name.  MarMar Sweet Treats.  What I plan on doing with that wee name...am not too sure...but I think it's a step in a positive direction.
Next comes my sister.  If you knew she and I - you'd know we're tight. And if you know her - you know she's awesome.  She is my biggest fan and vice versa.  She is such a cheerleader for me that she has challenged me to go to cake school and do something with this "talent" I've somehow procured.  She researched and found a college specifically for cakes in Toronto and has told me to go - her gift.  WOW.  Now, if my sister is going to financially back me, then I better start believing in myself! So - today I sent in my forms and documents and now am an enrolled student.  I can't believe I am doing this.  I can't believe I've come this far.  I am petrified beyond belief.  I struggle with believing in my failure before I even begin the project.  This is something that plagues me all the time - but I have to work through that and conquer it.  But boy, am I glad to have the support and love of family and friends...who carry the load of believing in me for me, until I am up to the task myself!