We all have our days...am I right? Days, when seriously, they (the children) aren't being bad...but somehow whatever they do just gets to you. Be it bad, be it big, be it small....the fact that they just did that one thing sends you SOARING! I had such an episode this week.....Let me share!
The other day I was cupcaking. If you know me - you know I am a single task person when it comes to baking. Do NOT mess with me when I am in my kitchen. I don't need your help, I don't need your encouragement, I just need you to stay out of my way. I had cupcakes to do for a friends class and then treats for each of my kids classes. Yes, I know - I took it all on, I didn't HAVE to do the kids cupcakes...but yet, I really did HAVE to or they would be so let down. When I bake I need to focus and I must have on an apron and ipod. These are the requirements. I told my lovely girls - "I love you but stay away and do your thing. Your thing, by the way, involves cleaning the playroom. Yes, I know you didn't make the mess, I don't care. Clean it anyway. And don't come downstairs whining about something or complaining or fighting. It's an easy job - please, just do it. Luci is only 3 and her time will come to do it all on her own." There.
All was said and I immersed myself in my culinary art. Not 2 minutes into my rhythm do I hear fighting - over my ipod, even! I was choked. Cleaning the playroom is not hard - I do it all the time. Just get along already. I yell up, "what's going on!!", and Kamrin yells, Mikka called me (and this is what i heard clear as day) Dumbass. WHAT??? Uh ohh....my blood pressure started to soar. If you know me, you know I swear. Maybe not the nicest trait and a quality I should improve on, but as someone once said, Marlea isn't Marlea without swearing (haha)...Last year my new years resolution was to stop swearing as much in front of the children....not too sure how I am doing with it...oh well, there is always next year.
I dropped my spatula, wiped my hands on my apron and marched towards the stairs yelling out Mikka's name. She quickly and quietly came down the steps, fear in her eyes. Kamrin was just 10 feet away and she could hear the whole thing. "Mikka, did you call Kamrin a dumbass?" With those big brown eyes already brimming with tears she said yes and nodded. I am not a spanker - but it does happen under serious circumstances in our house. I turned her around and smacked her precious bottom. "I can't believe you said that Mikka. There are words that you do not use and that is one of them. Go to your room right now. I will talk to you later."
I returned to the kitchen to regain my composure. I called down Kamrin who looked guilty. I asked what she did to Mikka to have her call her that name - dumbass". "Dumbass? She didn't call me dumbass, she called me a Bum". WHAT?!@# "I just spent the last few minutes yelling at Mikka and disciplining her for using an inapproriate word which she even agreed to using and you're telling me she didn't say it? You tattled on her saying she did!" Now Kamrin was scared - I am sure if I looked in a mirror I would be scared of me too! I ran upstairs to see Mikka and say, "Mikka, did you say that word?" She responded, "no". "Then why on God's green earth did you confess to a crime you didn't commit?" I ask, sweating. She just shrugged her shoulders. That's when the most amazing guilt filled my every pore. I turned to Kamrin, now incredibly mad at her...She let her sister down. She let her take the fall for something she didn't do. Sisters step in when things go wrong - they don't sulk and hide the play room!!! I was so frustrated - veins were popping in my neck. So this is how innocent people are put in jail - I now understood confessions of the innocent....All those tv shows and stories now make sense! Fear makes you do silly things - like say Yes, when you should say NO.
I then had to turn to Mikka, tears still in her big eyes, and ask for forgiveness. I was so sorry I spanked her. I was so sorry she didn't tell me what really happened. I felt sick that I punished her for something that didn't need punishing for and after it was all said and done it was Kamrin who deserved the spank! More tears ensued after the confessions, the apologies, the hormones...Ahhh, gotta love a house full of girls.
I may be a mom but I make mistakes all the time. And this isn't the first time I've had to crawl upto a kid who is shorter than me and ask them to forgive me. I hope they were able to learn something valuable out of all this. Don't confess to a crime you didn't commit. Always stand up for your sister - never throw her under the bus. Take the time to listen and be slower to react. And never be too grownup to say you made a colossal mistake.
And the cupcakes all turned out ok too!
The other day I was cupcaking. If you know me - you know I am a single task person when it comes to baking. Do NOT mess with me when I am in my kitchen. I don't need your help, I don't need your encouragement, I just need you to stay out of my way. I had cupcakes to do for a friends class and then treats for each of my kids classes. Yes, I know - I took it all on, I didn't HAVE to do the kids cupcakes...but yet, I really did HAVE to or they would be so let down. When I bake I need to focus and I must have on an apron and ipod. These are the requirements. I told my lovely girls - "I love you but stay away and do your thing. Your thing, by the way, involves cleaning the playroom. Yes, I know you didn't make the mess, I don't care. Clean it anyway. And don't come downstairs whining about something or complaining or fighting. It's an easy job - please, just do it. Luci is only 3 and her time will come to do it all on her own." There.
All was said and I immersed myself in my culinary art. Not 2 minutes into my rhythm do I hear fighting - over my ipod, even! I was choked. Cleaning the playroom is not hard - I do it all the time. Just get along already. I yell up, "what's going on!!", and Kamrin yells, Mikka called me (and this is what i heard clear as day) Dumbass. WHAT??? Uh ohh....my blood pressure started to soar. If you know me, you know I swear. Maybe not the nicest trait and a quality I should improve on, but as someone once said, Marlea isn't Marlea without swearing (haha)...Last year my new years resolution was to stop swearing as much in front of the children....not too sure how I am doing with it...oh well, there is always next year.
I dropped my spatula, wiped my hands on my apron and marched towards the stairs yelling out Mikka's name. She quickly and quietly came down the steps, fear in her eyes. Kamrin was just 10 feet away and she could hear the whole thing. "Mikka, did you call Kamrin a dumbass?" With those big brown eyes already brimming with tears she said yes and nodded. I am not a spanker - but it does happen under serious circumstances in our house. I turned her around and smacked her precious bottom. "I can't believe you said that Mikka. There are words that you do not use and that is one of them. Go to your room right now. I will talk to you later." I returned to the kitchen to regain my composure. I called down Kamrin who looked guilty. I asked what she did to Mikka to have her call her that name - dumbass". "Dumbass? She didn't call me dumbass, she called me a Bum". WHAT?!@# "I just spent the last few minutes yelling at Mikka and disciplining her for using an inapproriate word which she even agreed to using and you're telling me she didn't say it? You tattled on her saying she did!" Now Kamrin was scared - I am sure if I looked in a mirror I would be scared of me too! I ran upstairs to see Mikka and say, "Mikka, did you say that word?" She responded, "no". "Then why on God's green earth did you confess to a crime you didn't commit?" I ask, sweating. She just shrugged her shoulders. That's when the most amazing guilt filled my every pore. I turned to Kamrin, now incredibly mad at her...She let her sister down. She let her take the fall for something she didn't do. Sisters step in when things go wrong - they don't sulk and hide the play room!!! I was so frustrated - veins were popping in my neck. So this is how innocent people are put in jail - I now understood confessions of the innocent....All those tv shows and stories now make sense! Fear makes you do silly things - like say Yes, when you should say NO.
I then had to turn to Mikka, tears still in her big eyes, and ask for forgiveness. I was so sorry I spanked her. I was so sorry she didn't tell me what really happened. I felt sick that I punished her for something that didn't need punishing for and after it was all said and done it was Kamrin who deserved the spank! More tears ensued after the confessions, the apologies, the hormones...Ahhh, gotta love a house full of girls.
I may be a mom but I make mistakes all the time. And this isn't the first time I've had to crawl upto a kid who is shorter than me and ask them to forgive me. I hope they were able to learn something valuable out of all this. Don't confess to a crime you didn't commit. Always stand up for your sister - never throw her under the bus. Take the time to listen and be slower to react. And never be too grownup to say you made a colossal mistake.
And the cupcakes all turned out ok too!
What a fantastic post! So real.
ReplyDeleteI love that about you. You are real....no pretending.
I can't tell you the amount of nights I go to bed with tears in my eyes because either do to pain, being tired or who knows what else, I was harsh on my kids. More harsh then needed to be.
I always try to tell them I didn't handle things the way I should, that I love them and that I will try harder tomorrow as I tuck them into bed.
They always awake to a hand written note from me on their breakfast placemat about how much I love them and how great they really are.
Last weekend I didn't fully listen to what they said when they came home from the park ranting about some 6 year old who was talking to them. I instantly thought they were rude to the child so I sent them back with instructions to be friends with the child.
20 minutes later I go over to see my children sitting in the sand, sad and almost looking like they were afraid to come home. I felt horrible! I hugged them and explained what I thought I heard. They told me they were only commenting on what he had said to them, that they were nice. Of course they were! I have taught them better. I have great kids (who do make mistakes...as do I) but I didn't take the time to listen, because the pain was too great that day for my body to concentrate on anything else.
There are still things I have done or said that I regret to this very day.
Funny enough, Bethany and I had a melt down over cupcaking on Tues. night.
Parenting is hard. The hardest thing I have ever done in my life.
Thanks for keeping it real Marlea.
Elaine :)
Hallelujah!!! I am not alone in getting swallowed up in guilt some days. Kids are a tough crowd...toughest I've ever faced. Especially tough when they are cut from the same cloth, and most times seeing the way they react to things is like looking in a mirror....that gets me where it hurts.
ReplyDeleteJust lastnight, Chazz was having rough time about something (so insignificant I even forget what it was....), and there was my 3 year old Stella standing with her held held high, shoulder's back, finger waving...."Chazz....1, 2, free....now top crying" Yep, wonder where she got that from!!
Marlea...you are clearly not alone....we're all in it together, able to blog on every Mom's shoulder because we've all been through it.
ps..thanks for writing today, as you know, I was missing your tales :)
haha...did I say Stella was 3!!! Oh my...getting ahead of myself....she's only 2, and counts to get results. Not sure if I've taught her well on that technique!!!
ReplyDeleteI did it for you Kellie :) Glad you enjoyed! :)
ReplyDelete