The other day I was mowing the lawn. The grass was green and lush and needing some serious attention. As I mowed, I came to the realization that there were no little shits to pick up. There was no little shitter to leave her gifts of fertilizer in my yard and my heart ached. Not that I miss picking up dog poo, but I sure do miss my beautiful Charlie. Charlie had to be put down this summer when her hips finally decided that working just wasn't an option any more. She was also going blind and deaf and was turning sweetly loopy sometimes.
Charlie was my first born. My baby. She was my introduction to mommy-hood. I adored this dog. And she, in turn, adored me. My sister and I were talking about Charlie the other day and how the whole event of putting her down went and figured I should document the story. So...here is my story of my dogs last moments with me.....
Charlie couldn't go the washroom. She couldn't walk or sit really. She was quietly in pain and it all happened seemingly so fast, but I knew this was inevitable and had been waiting for the moment to arrive when I would have to make the decision. When I made the decision to put my wee girl down, I knew I couldn't waver on it. I decided on Saturday it would be Monday. It was almost as if she knew it was all going to happen and was fine with the idea. She was calm and happy and reassuring. I had to find the most cost effective and nicest place to do this....My friend Stephanie suggested a vet in Caledon - small, quaint, simple and affordable. I made the appointment. I cried when I hung up the phone. My boyfriend, Chris, was brilliant and wanted to take me and help me through this ordeal. So I called him and got the arrangements made for the kids, etc. I was a mess for the day. Nothing much got done. I kept stopping and loving her. Taking pictures of her. Crying intermittently. When the girls knew the time had come to say bye to their dog they all posed with her and kissed her and cuddled her. Tears poured. Luci went along with the whole thing, I am sure not really understanding what was happening, but was enjoying kisses from her puppy. Finally Darren pulled up in front of the house to collect the girls to keep them busy while I took Charlie to the vet. The girls were sobbing as we put them in the car.
Moments later Chris picked me up and I put on my ball cap and got in the car. Blanket around her, she sat quietly on my lap. I just cried and talked and gushed. We pulled up to the farm vet a few minutes early. I held Charlie for dear life. I reassured her how much she meant to me and that I was so sorry for what was going to happen. The clock struck 6:30 and it was time for us to go in. Papers were filled out and we were sent to the vets office. She was a lovely woman. Kind and compassionate to the extreme...the perfect fit for me and this situation. She looked Chuckie over and also noted her large tumours. There was no other option really. Surgery was not a reality and I had decided that no matter what was available to us, Charlie had had enough. She explained that we should go pay first so that when it was all said and done with we could take off and not deal with that business. She explained how she was going to put a shunt in Charlies leg and would give her some strong sedatives to calm her down. She left the room with Chuckie Sue and we went to pay.
A wee bit later she brought in my girl in her pink blanket. Charlie looked dazed and glossy. The drugs were strong but I was so happy she was in la la land. The vet wanted to give me a few minutes and Chris said we'd let her know when we were ready. Our gracious Vet left us with my baby. I sobbed. I was broken. I remember Chris sniffling and rubbing my back. It was wonderful to be comforted during all this sadness. I told Charlie what a gift she was to me. That I loved being her mom for 13 years. We had had a good run and developed an amazing friendship...one that is hard to explain to the non-dog people. Charlie truly was a person with white hair all over her body. She understood me. She was the one who never left my side - ever. She was almost always at my door when I came home...she would scratch the glass door like mad in an effort to get to me sooner. She also spent every shower and bath I ever had sitting on the bath mat beside me, often licking the bubbles I fed to her and then licking my legs when I got out. I needed her especially this past year. She felt my sadness and was my comfort.
I talked to her, wept in her fur and then told Chris to get the vet. The Dr. was calm and asked if I was ready. I nodded yes and buried my head again into my puppys body. And in a second it was done. Charlie wasn't there. I shut her eyes and moaned. This hurt a lot. I stayed with her for only a moment. I couldn't stand it any more and left the office briskly.
I just remember being in the parking lot, cars driving by and feeling cared for by Chris. Someone to hug me and let me get snot all over his shirt. I wept like I hadn't for a long time.
The drive home was quiet. I had my hand held. No one on my lap to pet - it was cold on my legs and it made me sad. I knew what I did was the only option, the right option, but having to say goodbye to my bedmate, stalker, protector, nose licker, kisser, pal and first born, really stunk.
The girls wanted to hear about the whole scenario. I played back how their "sister" was a brave wee girl and is much happier in doggy-heaven..where ever that is!
The question is asked lots if I'll get another dog. I don't think so. I had my true love. She was a perfect dog for me. I may cave and grant my children's wishes to get another one, but for the time being, I am happy to have a shit-free lawn.
Charlie was my first born. My baby. She was my introduction to mommy-hood. I adored this dog. And she, in turn, adored me. My sister and I were talking about Charlie the other day and how the whole event of putting her down went and figured I should document the story. So...here is my story of my dogs last moments with me.....
Moments later Chris picked me up and I put on my ball cap and got in the car. Blanket around her, she sat quietly on my lap. I just cried and talked and gushed. We pulled up to the farm vet a few minutes early. I held Charlie for dear life. I reassured her how much she meant to me and that I was so sorry for what was going to happen. The clock struck 6:30 and it was time for us to go in. Papers were filled out and we were sent to the vets office. She was a lovely woman. Kind and compassionate to the extreme...the perfect fit for me and this situation. She looked Chuckie over and also noted her large tumours. There was no other option really. Surgery was not a reality and I had decided that no matter what was available to us, Charlie had had enough. She explained that we should go pay first so that when it was all said and done with we could take off and not deal with that business. She explained how she was going to put a shunt in Charlies leg and would give her some strong sedatives to calm her down. She left the room with Chuckie Sue and we went to pay.
A wee bit later she brought in my girl in her pink blanket. Charlie looked dazed and glossy. The drugs were strong but I was so happy she was in la la land. The vet wanted to give me a few minutes and Chris said we'd let her know when we were ready. Our gracious Vet left us with my baby. I sobbed. I was broken. I remember Chris sniffling and rubbing my back. It was wonderful to be comforted during all this sadness. I told Charlie what a gift she was to me. That I loved being her mom for 13 years. We had had a good run and developed an amazing friendship...one that is hard to explain to the non-dog people. Charlie truly was a person with white hair all over her body. She understood me. She was the one who never left my side - ever. She was almost always at my door when I came home...she would scratch the glass door like mad in an effort to get to me sooner. She also spent every shower and bath I ever had sitting on the bath mat beside me, often licking the bubbles I fed to her and then licking my legs when I got out. I needed her especially this past year. She felt my sadness and was my comfort.I talked to her, wept in her fur and then told Chris to get the vet. The Dr. was calm and asked if I was ready. I nodded yes and buried my head again into my puppys body. And in a second it was done. Charlie wasn't there. I shut her eyes and moaned. This hurt a lot. I stayed with her for only a moment. I couldn't stand it any more and left the office briskly.
I just remember being in the parking lot, cars driving by and feeling cared for by Chris. Someone to hug me and let me get snot all over his shirt. I wept like I hadn't for a long time.
The drive home was quiet. I had my hand held. No one on my lap to pet - it was cold on my legs and it made me sad. I knew what I did was the only option, the right option, but having to say goodbye to my bedmate, stalker, protector, nose licker, kisser, pal and first born, really stunk.
The girls wanted to hear about the whole scenario. I played back how their "sister" was a brave wee girl and is much happier in doggy-heaven..where ever that is!
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