We've seen it. We do it. We let it slide. It becomes a bad habit. We abuse it.
Once upon a time we were purchasing a van. The sales man was doing a fantastic pitch…and then he offered me the golden temptation gift….free dvd players in the car. Who wouldn't want that! Am I right? We can turn it on, drive with muted noise in the back ground….the kind we can endure - not kids fighting or whining. When he offered this to me, I quickly said No Thanks. He put his pen down and looked at me like he didn't quite catch what I was saying. "Pardon? I'm offering you free tv's in the car." "I know," I said. "I like to have the kids actually learn the way of the road, to talk to me, to squabble and figure it out. To watch life pass them out the window and not miss interesting things to see". "Well," he said, "you are the first person who has ever turned free tv down". And yes, I'm a unique cracker, but I was pretty proud of that cravat! Don't get me wrong - on trips to Florida and North Carolina, dvd players were borrowed..but I didn't want to rely on the electronic babysitter every day. That being said, I also go crazy with the whining and fighting and could cry in the car sometimes as it's the most annoying thing ever…but I have to pick my battles.
One of my greatest pet peeves is seeing kids in restaurants with their families and they are all on their phones. You've seen them. Maybe you are them. I'm no saint. I have fallen victim to the desire to know what is going on outside of my current environment even though, at the end of it, it truly doesn't even matter. What matters is whom I am with and our time together. Who cares how cute that damn cat is! Who gives a damn that I click "like" and post a rose to have something good happen to me. And please….no more game invitations. Seriously. Tired of it. I find myself holding my phone close to me and every time it buzzes I take a look. I don't know why I do it. I am curious and want to know what's up. It's bad. And I am making strides to change my behaviour and want my kids to see that we don't have to always be in the internet Know. Have you seen that picture on Facebook with the phones all piled at the end of the table? Where when you get together with friends, phones are stacked and put away and the first to look at theirs, has to pay for everyones meal? I kinda like that idea….I think I may do this at my front door….come in, leave your phone…and lets actually visit and invest in 100% concentration on the here and now.
Electronics are the way of the future. This I know. I understand the significance and importance to having kids be involved with computers, with media, with technology. But why do we have to make it so important that we forget to engage? Kamrin got an iphone and promised she wouldn't be like those kids we see with her nose in it constantly. She does good outside of our home, but inside - it's a constant nose to the screen scenario. Mikka was given an iPod for games and what not. She is our "techy" and fixes all our computer issues….but she too, is overly comfortable with her device in her hand at all times. It makes me crazy. Luci - well, she scores my iPad to play games when it's time to do so. And yes - I have my phone close at hand due to the fact that Gavin is thousands of miles away and I crave any text or message from him. But our addiction - our need, our reliance on these little screens is getting ridiculous. I'm frustrated and scared. I want my kids to not lose the art of engaging. I want them to learn and grow from things they see in live time and are real. I want them to play. To have their hands free to catch a ball. To use their imaginations. Yes, you can text your friends…but there has to be a limit. An understanding that there needs to be time to reclaim the family and connect with each other. I'm not banning. I'm just curbing.
Gavin and I came up with Amish Sunday about a month ago. It's a day when we put our devices away for the entire day and make an effort to do something fun. I'm sure it's a long day for my kids when they rely on constant text messaging from their friends. But I think it's a valuable lesson to get back to the basics. The constancy of the use of these items hasn't diminished during the week days and so I, being Mom on a Mission - have added another rule to our family list. I want no devices used from 4-7:30 every day. Need your iPod for a calculator? Hey look, I have one from the 90's here….we used it and it worked for us!!! Need to talk to your friend about homework missed? There's this amazing invention….a guy named Mr. Bell figured it out….the PHONE!
What about me? Well, I have to practice what I preach. FaceTime with Gavin doesn't count tho. But yes, I am going to put my phone away too when I expect the girls to. Besides, it's time to make dinner, do homework, catch up on the day, eat and get ready for bed. I need to be totally present for these things. Life is going along so fast. Too fast. These kids are growing up and I want them to be able to remember how to play, how to look people in the eye when speaking and when spoken to. I want their fingers to be used to play cats cradle…not just 'throat doctor!' I want to reclaim my home and my connection with my kids. I don't want us to lose the amazing Art of Engaging!
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