A Toast!

When I was a young twit, I was active, hyper, and bursting with energy.  Not only did I do everything fast but I spoke fast too.  I would run over my words, I would join words, I would speak so fast  that I was often told to slow down and repeat what I had just said.  I was so frustrated always being told to repeat myself.  My dad, a professional vocalist, was always on me about my speech.  "Marlea!!  Slow down!!!  Annunciate!  Articulate!  You trip over your tongue and mumble".  His solution for me was go to Toast Masters. "You need to go to learn how to speak!!".  "Dad, I'm just a kid.  I could never do Toast Masters, that's too hard and its for grownups".  And I, as a typical twit, ignored him.

Growing up I always heard about Toast Masters.  Dad swore by it, however, I don't even know if he ever did it himself.  He had no problems with his speaking.  He was controlled and eloquent.  His final years of his career he was speaking in public all the time and he loved it and was very good at it. I believed I could never live up to his, or  the Toast Masters, standards.  

Years have passed by. I have had no problems with speaking in front of people. In high school I joined in all the plays.  When I play back the VCR's I can see me speaking fast sometimes, and then you can hear me try and slow it down.  I was extremely conscious of my "problem".  In university, I loved when we had presentations.  I loved to speak to a group of people and share information.  I always got good grades and couldn't wait till the next one.

Fast forward to me as a "grown-up".  Dad still got after me for my fast talking.  Our good friend, Jamie, had joined Toast Masters and was doing very well at it.  I heard a lot more about this group of talented folks who worked on their speech and leadership skills  I should talk to Jamie, dad would say,  Yes dad, I would respond....and then never do it.

2008.  The year my brother died.  I was in such shock and stuck in such turmoil, I couldn't deliver the speech I had prepared for him.  I had to have someone else read it.  I felt I had failed my brother.  I was so disappointed in cowering behind my fear and belief I couldn't present it.
2012.  The year my dad died.  Again, so much grief, but I had a mission.  I was going to deliver his eulogy and do it well and make him proud of me.  It was a large audience, I had my wee three girls on stage with me, and I began to speak.  I can't begin to tell you how I felt.  I was elated.  I was not crying.  I was strong and proud.  I was making my dad smile in heaven. Basically, at the risk of sounding totally cocky, I nailed it!  During the reception afterwards I received so many compliments.  I felt so humble and so warm and happy.  I could do this!  I did what my dad always wanted me to do! And at his funeral to boot!

I now work for a school board and have been able to deliver a couple of talks about my Brother and his life and experiences to schools.  It's  much easier to talk about someone and something that matters so much to you.  I knew I could do it.  Visions of my dad saying, "Do Toast Masters, strengthen your skills!" kept creeping into my subconscious.  "I am not ready", "I do no know how to do it", "That's something for professionals who have a sweet clue":  My excuses. 

This past Christmas,  after years of growth and developing self awareness, I made the decision to finally investigate and join. I texted Jamie right away.  He said I'd rock it.  I appreciated the kind words but man, I was scared.  I googled the nearest club.  It's around the corner from me.  It's every other Thursday.  Their website was full of normal looking folks. I'm Normal....?  I had to pick a date to start.  I made a commitment to the date and told Gavin I needed his help!  Like the good man  he is, he came to my first 2 meetings.  I met lovely people and saw what they did. It's fascinating.  It's precise.  It's positive.  It's fun.  I then said, yup, this is something I can do, I need to do and want to do.  I paid my fees, got my acceptance (apparently there is a vote to accept you into the club!) and am now going to be presenting my first speech next week.  I have my speech written. It's quirky - about my sister and I sharing our birthdays.   I really like it and think i'll be able to have the group engaged.  I need to work hard at staying composed, to not speaking fast and tripping on my words, and to remember what I want to share and deliver to it with positivity and a smile.  

I have come a long way from that little twit that drove my poor family crazy.  But I love how they are so pumped and supportive of me for finally doing this!  I DID IT DAD!