Skip to main content

Guilt-free parenting does not exist

So, I have this issue. It's a common issue...one that plagues most, if not every, parent at some point in our journey to raising brilliantly awesome kids.  It's the issue of guilt.  Guilt by any measure is unavoidable.  I have guilt when I eat past dinner time and then polish off the halloween candy I happed upon. I have guilt that I haven't exercised since the first week of January.  I feel guilty for not calling friends when I know I should but just don't find the time or energy.  Guilt can be a motivator for good things....right now I am drawing a blank, but I am sure there are pro's to it....hmmmmm.
I felt a lot guilt when my marriage failed.  And then the enormous guilt of having to send Luci to daycare and have the kids grow up and get themselves to the bus.  That guilt has worn off to a healthier degree.  I tried everything I could to make my marriage work.  Luci is growing leaps and bounds and enjoys playing with kids and learning all day.  And Kamrin and Mikka have grown 2 inches taller just from being more responsible for themselves.
Single mom-dom means having to feel the brunt of different guilt.  A couple of weeks ago Mikka complained of an ear ache and that she didn't feel good.  I was in a rush in the morning - having to get Luci and I out the door to daycare and work.  I told her she was fine.  She is a living embodiment of the story "The Boy Who Called Wolf", so I ignored the glazed eyes and warm forehead and told her she was fine and that she would have to go to school. I simply didn't believe the poor kid.  A few hours later I get a call from the school that she is in the sick room and needing to be picked up.  I felt SO GUILTY.  I didn't believe the little twerp.  Her Dad had to go get her as I was at work, and I had rocks in my stomach for the remainder of the day, thinking what a lousy parent I was.   We ended up on antibiotics for an ear infection just to make me feel worse. 
But wait, it gets better....
A couple of days ago Mikka woke up in the night with a sore ear.  "You'll be ok Mikka", I say.  "It's just the start of another ear infection - we'll have to wait a couple of days before a Dr. will do anything.".  She listens and contiues to cry.  She even yelped a few times...I started to panic deep down wondering what I was going to do as Kamrin wasn't home to babysit if I needed to take her to the ER.  I settled her down with Tylenol and put her in my bed.  She went to sleep and I thought nothing of it.  The next day I sent her to Auntie Angela's as it was a snow day.  When I came home to pick the kids up, Ang told me Mikka had blood in her ear.  Her eardrum had burst sometime the night before...the night I told her to not overreact!!!  My soul was drenched with guilt.  At least the Dr. and Ang were understanding of it all.  But I felt like I let my poor kid down again. 
Guilt. It can be used for good or it can be used for bad.  It can be a motivator and destabilizer.  I am learning that it's ok to have some, but not ok to let it ruin my day and feel like a terrible mom. I have messed up.  I know I'll mess up again and probably sooner than later!

Comments

  1. I'm so grateful that you wrote this. Kathlyn is three, and I feel like we're just starting to get the the hard part. Anyway, I appreciate your candor and thoughts. I needed that. :)

    Love you. Hope your sweet little girl feels better soon.

    All the best,

    Sharon

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Just say NO

     I can't say No.  No, I am not talking about when people ask me for something.  I have learned that it's good to say no when I am feeling too busy or over-scheduled.  What I can't say NO to is baking.  Sweets are a problem for me - always have been and probably always will.       Today I had a bunch of bananas that were starting to encourage fruit flys to come and hang out and party.  I knew I needed to bake with them.  I have a kickass banana bread recipe that my family gobbles up so I knew that I would please the girls to no end if I baked for them.  I also had some fresh strawberries from the St. Jacobs Farmers Market, and rhubarb too.  I love love love rhubarb...especially in a pie....with strawberries.  So after tidying and cleaning today and feeling pretty good about life, I pulled out the bits and pieces and started creating yummy treats.  I also made this yummy curried barley and ...

Safe Landing!

I love dreams.  Dreams - the ones you have when you're sleeping...not the ones you think of when you're stuck in traffic, the sun beating down on you, your air conditioner isn't working and you just want to be anywhere but there.  I like the ones I can remember and have a chuckle at.  I still remember one I had in grade one that included Chris Adams and Jamie Bateman, a prison, black and white striped uniforms and Frankenstein.  Don't know why that one always stuck with me, but well, it always has.  I wish I remembered more of my dreams.  The good ones.  The ones that I wake up smiling to.  I don't know why we have them, but I know they are significant to us, these dreams. For the past 15 years I have had a dream. It's not been a nice one and it varies - however, it always involves an airplane and fear.  It goes something like this.  I am on the jet plane with a whole schwack of other passengers. The plane either has engine failure, lan...

Live on the Wild Side

This morning I was putting away things....I am always putting away things...but this morning the things included a couple of photo albums the girls had out.  The photos were those of my trip to Qatar in 06.  It was an adventure my sister and brother in law brought me out on after being severly ill for months with pneumonia.  In order to get better, they gave me a trip to look forward to.  It was a light at the end of a long, dark, sick tunnel and was a trip of a lifetime.  As I looked through the pictures of the fun things we did and saw, I found a picture of Kara, Todd and I in the desert, the day we went 'duning'.  And I was reminded of a wonderful story and figured, it was good enough to share.... Kara and Todd took me to the desert - it wasn't far away - heck, they live in it.  However, this was the fun desert where all the adventure seekers spent some time driving around at warp speed over mounds of sand.  I was pumped beyond belief to do t...