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trying to go with it...


Plans.  I love plans.  I make them all the time. I like to call ahead, make arrangements and see them followed through.  I used to get all ruffled if things didn't go as planned. I would get upset and even pout - yes, can you believe it -I would pout, if things didn't go as planned.  But life has a funny way of beating some things out of you.  Planning has been punched around quite a fair bit for me of late, and as I get older, I won't say more mature, cause well, you know...I have learned to chillax a bit.  To let things slide.  To not get so uptight about plans not working.
I planned on being married to one person for my whole life.  That didn't happen as we are now separated.  I planned on having the nice house with the volvo wagon in the driveway and a pretty garden. That hasn't worked out for me.  I live in "Bramladesh" in a suburb that allows me to see what my neighbour is eating for breakfast.  I planned on having my kids closer together in age. Again, nope.  4.5 years between each and I am SO thankful for that!  I also planned on adopting a baby boy.  That plan fell through too and caused enormous heartache. I had planned on being a stay at home mom, to raise my girls and enjoy a life involved in their lives...But now I find myself balancing working and being a tired mom.
This spring Dad had planned to take Kamrin, Mikka, Mom and I to Thailand and Burma.  I can't even begin to describe our excitement, our anticipation.  We had gone through our summer clothes, organized our flip flops and started to plan a fundraiser.  I had even had to get our visas for Burma - to make the whole process easier when we got to Bangkok.  Tickets were booked, hotel reservations done - I was planning on tracking down a couple of Thai friends to see.  Plans were going better than could be expected...And Then the Unexpected.
Dad had his 5th tumor removed on Dec. 2, 2011.  He was imroving so well, thus the planned dream vacation.  The Dr. said he got it all.  But 2 weeks ago mom and I got a call that he was ill and was taken to the hospital again. He was unable to walk and seeing double.  Another tumor.  Plans for mom to stay and help me during my TA job at the College went out the window.  Instead, I loaded her and her dog on the plane and went about the unplanned without too much stress.  We then had to cancel our holiay. And not just any holiday - my dad's dream.  He has talked about taking us overseas with the girls for years.  We had even planned on meeting Kara in Thailand to stay at her villa!  However, our plans have been waylayed.  Plans unraveled.  Dreams crushed.  And yet, I am doing remarkably well.  Plans sometimes fall apart.  I am learning to roll with it.  There is always a bigger picture.  It's just all out of focus right now, but eventually I will get the aperture right!
So, planning.  It can work.  I still write down my plans and try to attain my goals set out. However, I am learning to sit back, relax and let things slide if they don't go my way.  I think this is called "growing up"....sometimes it hurts...but heck, I am one tough chick and can learn new things!

Comments

  1. Anonymous20 February 2012 at 09:43

    God knows the Big Picture Marlea. It's good to know that He is in control...good for you for 'growing up'...sucks sometimes...:-)

    ReplyDelete

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