MarMar Madness

So, I have this issue. It's a common issue...one that plagues most, if not every, parent at some point in our journey to raising brilliantly awesome kids.  It's the issue of guilt.  Guilt by any measure is unavoidable.  I have guilt when I eat past dinner time and then polish off the halloween candy I happed upon. I have guilt that I haven't exercised since the first week of January.  I feel guilty for not calling friends when I know I should but just don't find the time or energy.  Guilt can be a motivator for good things....right now I am drawing a blank, but I am sure there are pro's to it....hmmmmm. I felt a lot guilt when my marriage failed.  And then the enormous guilt of having to send Luci to daycare and have the kids grow up and get themselves to the bus.  That guilt has worn off to a healthier degree.  I tried everything I could to make my marriage work.  Luci is growing leaps and bounds and enjoys playing with kids and learni...

Plans.  I love plans.  I make them all the time. I like to call ahead, make arrangements and see them followed through.  I used to get all ruffled if things didn't go as planned. I would get upset and even pout - yes, can you believe it -I would pout, if things didn't go as planned.  But life has a funny way of beating some things out of you.  Planning has been punched around quite a fair bit for me of late, and as I get older, I won't say more mature, cause well, you know...I have learned to chillax a bit.  To let things slide.  To not get so uptight about plans not working. I planned on being married to one person for my whole life.  That didn't happen as we are now separated.  I planned on having the nice house with the volvo wagon in the driveway and a pretty garden. That hasn't worked out for me.  I live in "Bramladesh" in a suburb that allows me to see what my neighbour is eating for breakfast.  I planned on having...

I got a job.  A great job.  A job that I am looking forward to.  However, having a job out of my house is going to mean some serious changes for me and my girls.  My having to get up and out the door means getting up earlier, leaving earlier and leaving 2 precious girls on their own.  I have warned my girls about the inevitable.  Our family dynamic has changed...and along with that comes new experiences, new challenges, new rewards.  Every morning I get up with my kids.  I am a morning person. I sing that bloody song to them.  Kamrin hates it, Mikka smirks at it with her eyes closed tight.  Luci - well...she's a wild card...you never know how she'll react.  I am not a helicopter parent, but I do help them too much.  Of this I am aware of.  But, in my defense, they are only little once and one day I'll be sitting alone in my rocking chair, covered in wrinkles (thanks sun) and will smell of moth balls and will only have my ...

Ok, seriously, the cake thing was wicked.  I loved every moment of it.  I loved meeting some of the most amazing people ever whom I intend on staying in touch with.  I loved learning how to bake properly - you know, with real measuring instead of guessing and tossing it in the bowl.  I hated modeling chocolate...but hey, you can't win everything.  I loved wearing my little white uniform and making it completely dirty every day.  I was the on-going joke with how dirty I got.  I simply couldn't help it...truly.  I loved how we ate lunch together either outside on the bench or upstairs in the lunch room.  I loved making gumpaste flowers but hated the grade I got after thinking I rocked it.  Pulling sugar...yeah, not so much either.  I learned more than I thought I ever could.  I learned a lot about cake decorating...but as you should, I learned a lot about other people and also about myself.  Cake decorating is hard and ex...

     I have a shadow.  Yes, I know, we all do at certain angles, in certain light.  But my shadow has nothing to do with the sun, my lack of shaving or being in a gloomy mood.  My shadow only hangs out for short periods of time during the year.  If you've seen me when my parents are around,  you've seen my shadow.  My Dad.  He is my side kick, my buddy, my sugar daddy, my shadow.       Funny thing about my Dad -  he used to drive me so incredibly nuts it was insane.  And I know I used to drive him nuts too.  Actually, I know I still do sometimes....but it's all good...we now know how to work it all out.       Dad stopped being my "boss", "manager", "slave-driver", when I got married.  After a single ceremony I wasn't his problem.  It was awesome.  All of a sudden I couldn't complain to Dad about things... there was some one else who got to deal with me...

I am a fast  girl.  No, not a fast runner.  I do things fast.  I eat fast.  Just ask my kids. I woof down my dinner and have to wait for them.  I sew fast....I love to hear the needle humming.  I breath fast.  I think fast (not always coherently, mind you).  I am going a mile a minute in my head often.  I clean fast.  Mow the lawn fast.  However, I do math slow.  :)      I know fast is good for some things. Good for getting to where you want to be on time.  For getting chores done.  For typing.  For jogging / walking / exercising.    But in reality, it is better to go at a bit slower pace.  I often talk to myself and try to calm the "fast" part of me down.  I can see where I am headed on the fast train. I know I am going to mess up and yet somehow, the fast side usually wins, despite the obvious consequences.  I am a clutz because of this need to be fast.  S...

    I have have been experiencing a lot of "new"s in my life of late.  New living situation.  New school.  New experiences daily that I am relishing, savouring and devouring.  I started school at the Bonnie Gordon College of Confectionary Arts on Sept 12 and in the past 10 days I have had the biggest smile on my face. You simply can't wipe it off...ok, it has been rubbed off a couple of times but at least it comes back quick if smeared away.      I am seeing new faces, meeting new people, doing new things.  As to new faces.  One of the discoveries I have made in this time is that the area of Eglinton and Allen is a beautiful Jewish neighbourbood.  There are lots of fancy cars and men wearing suits with their "kippa's".  There are a few bagel shops and an Israeli store by my school.  I have yet to venture in to get a bagel...but I will soon!  I love it all!  It's a new place with lots to discover....