I Hate Swimming

When I was little all of our neighbours had pools...okay, maybe not ALL of them but a few did.  And as they did, we made use of them.  I learned to swim at a very young age.  I was around 4 and remember it very well.  We were at our friends, the Peacocks, and everyone was having a great time swimming in their blue oasis.  I couldn't swim in the deep end and just held on to the edges.  All I truly remember of this learning experience is Mr. Peacock pulling my fingers away from the ledge with his sandaled foot as he held a nice glass of something on the rocks and laughing at me as I struggled for survival.  He obviously meant no harm to me and being a dad of a few kids, simply understood the "swim for survival" technique and had it down pat.  He did me a favour that day as I kicked and gagged and laughed out of fear and fun - he taught me to swim.  I found my legs and that was that.  I was a swimmer.  Shortly thereafter we began swimming lessons at a neighbourhood pool under the direction of a cool chick named Heather.  She was a great teacher and we all loved going for lessons.  Alison, Holly, Kara and others and I would bike down weekly for our time in the pool.  It was such a great time - all of us kids being together, swimming and riding our bikes.  Then one day our teacher had a horrific accident.  She fell off the Capilano suspension bridge.  She broke dozens of bones and was told she may never walk again.  After her accident we stopped taking lessons.  No one was as good at teaching in the area and so we called it a day.  Around this time my parents took Kara and I to the UBC olympic size pool for a fun swim.  We were so excited to be there and were mesmerized by the huge diving platform that loomed up high above us.  After a time Kara and I decided we would check it out and climbed up to the top of it.  Waving below at our Dad we leaned over the edge and grew dizzy from the height. Kara asked if I was going to jump. I said no way. She said she wasn't either so we made our way back to the stairs.  I am not sure what led us back to the edge, but Kara and I found ourselves again balancing near the edge of the earth and not a moment later I felt a hand on my back and into the air I flew.  I remember screaming and flailing my arms about - the fall seeming to last forever.  I remember Kara standing up on the platform laughing and my Dad helping me out of the water - he was chuckling too.  I, however, was NOT impressed.   Fast forward a few years to 4th or 5th grade.  Holly was very into synchronized swimming and had exceptional talent.  Alison and I joined her in her class.  Looking back on it now I am sure the moms were simply relieved to have someone to carpool with instead of running in a million different directions for extra-curricular activities.  I enjoyed the sport well enough.  However I had one fateful experience that led me from the pool - again.  The  pool was enshrouded in tile - allowing sound to bounce merrily off the walls.  The instructor wanted  us to get up out of the water to do some toe pointing exercises.  As I got up and placed my rear end on the wet tile I lost some control and farted.  It was a dreadful and overwhelmingly embarrassing experience.  I remember Holly and Alison laughing quite hard at the time.  I think I must have joined in too as to minimize my shame.  But after that I lost the joy of being in the water and soon gave up my tight bun and packed away my nose plug.  So, as you can see, water and I are not the best of friends.  When I had Kamrin, Darren and I would put her in lessons as a baby and take her for swims.  She was okay in the water  as long as we didn't put her head into it.  It took her a few years to get it all sorted out and is now a very proficient swimmer.  Next comes Mikka.  And well, to be honest, I gained too much weight with her and so her swimming experience was minimal as I had no desire to go in public in a soaked leotard.  And then comes Luci.  She has only swam a couple of times due to my lack of enjoyment of the sport.  So today when the kids begged and begged and begged me to take them to the pool I was extremely hesitant.  But then seeing as I have lost some weight and am not humiliated to the point of hiding, I agreed to take them.  Best decision I ever made.  Luci ran in the water screaming for joy. She bobbed all over and pushed herself constantly to see what she could handle.  By the 3rd kid I am pretty relaxed and didn't panic when she swallowed gobs of water and spewed.  She played catch, splashed me and threw toys all over - and kept shouting how happy she was.  Her joy gave me a new appreciation of the water.  It helped that I was comfortable in my swim suit .... just have to lose more of these darn boobs!  But I wasn't self conscious, fearful or bored.  I sincerely had a lovely time - and I hope to go again soon!