MarMar Madness

When I was a young twit, I was active, hyper, and bursting with energy.  Not only did I do everything fast but I spoke fast too.  I would run over my words, I would join words, I would speak so fast  that I was often told to slow down and repeat what I had just said.  I was so frustrated always being told to repeat myself.  My dad, a professional vocalist, was always on me about my speech.  "Marlea!!  Slow down!!!  Annunciate!  Articulate!  You trip over your tongue and mumble".  His solution for me was go to Toast Masters. "You need to go to learn how to speak!!".  "Dad, I'm just a kid.  I could never do Toast Masters, that's too hard and its for grownups".  And I, as a typical twit, ignored him. Growing up I always heard about Toast Masters.  Dad swore by it, however, I don't even know if he ever did it himself.  He had no problems with his speaking.  He was controlled and eloquent.  His final ...

We've seen it.  We do it.  We let it slide.  It becomes a bad habit.  We abuse it.   Once upon a time we were purchasing a van.  The sales man was doing a fantastic pitch…and then he offered me the golden temptation gift….free dvd players in the car. Who wouldn't want that!  Am I right?  We can turn it on, drive with muted noise in the back ground….the kind we can endure - not kids fighting or whining.  When he offered this to me, I quickly said No Thanks.  He put his pen down and looked at me like he didn't quite catch what I was saying.  "Pardon?  I'm offering you free tv's in the car."  "I know," I said.  "I like to have the kids actually learn the way of the road, to talk to me, to squabble and figure it out.  To watch life pass them out the window and not miss interesting things to see".  "Well," he said, "you are the first person who has ever turned free tv down".  And yes, I'm a unique cracker...

The other day I was mowing the lawn.  The grass was green and lush and needing some serious attention.  As I mowed, I came to the realization that there were no little shits to pick up.  There was no little shitter to leave her gifts of fertilizer in my yard and my heart ached.  Not that I miss picking up dog poo, but I sure do miss my beautiful Charlie.  Charlie had to be put down this summer when her hips finally decided that working just wasn't an option any more.  She was also going blind and deaf and was turning sweetly loopy sometimes. Charlie was my first born. My baby.  She was my introduction to mommy-hood.  I adored this dog.  And she, in turn, adored me.  My sister and I were talking about Charlie the other day and how the whole event of putting her down went and figured I should document the story.  So...here is my story of my dogs last moments with me..... Charlie couldn't go the washroom.  She couldn't walk or...

You ever have a day when you are at the end of it and you just have to pinch yourself?  A day where you promised yourself to have no expectations and that was the healthiest thing you ever did?  I am the queen of expectations.  I have them in all facets of my life.  I put expectations on people, on things, on ovens, on schools, on hair, on weight, you name it....my thinking is often laced with expectations and they truly are my worst enemy. I used to have great expectations of my brother.  I have great expectations of my sister and friends.  They often come through for me, but there are times when I am let down.  And when I say let down, I am sometimes just crushed with the failure of it all.  My sister, Kara, has been my biggest coach in the "have no expectations" camp.  She has drilled this motto into me for years as she has seen me struggle with constantly being hurt when things didn't go my way, especially in relationships or events. ...

I love dreams.  Dreams - the ones you have when you're sleeping...not the ones you think of when you're stuck in traffic, the sun beating down on you, your air conditioner isn't working and you just want to be anywhere but there.  I like the ones I can remember and have a chuckle at.  I still remember one I had in grade one that included Chris Adams and Jamie Bateman, a prison, black and white striped uniforms and Frankenstein.  Don't know why that one always stuck with me, but well, it always has.  I wish I remembered more of my dreams.  The good ones.  The ones that I wake up smiling to.  I don't know why we have them, but I know they are significant to us, these dreams. For the past 15 years I have had a dream. It's not been a nice one and it varies - however, it always involves an airplane and fear.  It goes something like this.  I am on the jet plane with a whole schwack of other passengers. The plane either has engine failure, lan...

This morning I was putting away things....I am always putting away things...but this morning the things included a couple of photo albums the girls had out.  The photos were those of my trip to Qatar in 06.  It was an adventure my sister and brother in law brought me out on after being severly ill for months with pneumonia.  In order to get better, they gave me a trip to look forward to.  It was a light at the end of a long, dark, sick tunnel and was a trip of a lifetime.  As I looked through the pictures of the fun things we did and saw, I found a picture of Kara, Todd and I in the desert, the day we went 'duning'.  And I was reminded of a wonderful story and figured, it was good enough to share.... Kara and Todd took me to the desert - it wasn't far away - heck, they live in it.  However, this was the fun desert where all the adventure seekers spent some time driving around at warp speed over mounds of sand.  I was pumped beyond belief to do t...

We all like, need, want, crave to some effect, to be touched.  I love being touched....hold my hand, rub my back, kick my ass...whatever, I'll take it!  Being a mom to 3 beautiful wee girls, touching happens a lot at our house.  I have created touchy children.  It's a way for me to communicate how much I love them.  Every night I "tickle" their backs.  My mum used to do that for me every night.  Kamrin has graduated to wanting back rubs....I do them but often leave her feeling jealous cause I didn't get one back! :)  My family grew up as non-kissers.  However, I have made an effort to break that and love to get and give little kisses to my girls.  I have also learned to kiss other family and friends - and have perfected the 'double' kiss that involves air kissing each cheek.  I always' feel very posh when I pull that one out of my repetoire.  I love holding hands and know the day will come that the girls won't be as cool w...

I was recently sitting on my new couch, deep in thought, surveiling my past year and the journey I have been on.  The house has tape on the walls in preparation for the paint I have to muster up the courage to put up, the carpets have been measured to be replaced, the furniture has been shifted to new alignments , I have nice new light fixtures hanging in the house making me happy each time I flick on a switch and then I can see into the kitchen...a work in progress...but coming along with my red and white...All these changes have happened and I am so happy as I do enjoy the esthetics of my surroundings and am affected by them.  These changes, however, have only come about due to the changes that have occured this past year. A chain effect that doesn't seem to have an end in sight - and it's all good. Last March I was 10 lbs thinner with a much better ass and was escaping to the gym constantly.  I was very sad in my marriage and wondered what my future was...

So, I have this issue. It's a common issue...one that plagues most, if not every, parent at some point in our journey to raising brilliantly awesome kids.  It's the issue of guilt.  Guilt by any measure is unavoidable.  I have guilt when I eat past dinner time and then polish off the halloween candy I happed upon. I have guilt that I haven't exercised since the first week of January.  I feel guilty for not calling friends when I know I should but just don't find the time or energy.  Guilt can be a motivator for good things....right now I am drawing a blank, but I am sure there are pro's to it....hmmmmm. I felt a lot guilt when my marriage failed.  And then the enormous guilt of having to send Luci to daycare and have the kids grow up and get themselves to the bus.  That guilt has worn off to a healthier degree.  I tried everything I could to make my marriage work.  Luci is growing leaps and bounds and enjoys playing with kids and learni...

Plans.  I love plans.  I make them all the time. I like to call ahead, make arrangements and see them followed through.  I used to get all ruffled if things didn't go as planned. I would get upset and even pout - yes, can you believe it -I would pout, if things didn't go as planned.  But life has a funny way of beating some things out of you.  Planning has been punched around quite a fair bit for me of late, and as I get older, I won't say more mature, cause well, you know...I have learned to chillax a bit.  To let things slide.  To not get so uptight about plans not working. I planned on being married to one person for my whole life.  That didn't happen as we are now separated.  I planned on having the nice house with the volvo wagon in the driveway and a pretty garden. That hasn't worked out for me.  I live in "Bramladesh" in a suburb that allows me to see what my neighbour is eating for breakfast.  I planned on having...

I got a job.  A great job.  A job that I am looking forward to.  However, having a job out of my house is going to mean some serious changes for me and my girls.  My having to get up and out the door means getting up earlier, leaving earlier and leaving 2 precious girls on their own.  I have warned my girls about the inevitable.  Our family dynamic has changed...and along with that comes new experiences, new challenges, new rewards.  Every morning I get up with my kids.  I am a morning person. I sing that bloody song to them.  Kamrin hates it, Mikka smirks at it with her eyes closed tight.  Luci - well...she's a wild card...you never know how she'll react.  I am not a helicopter parent, but I do help them too much.  Of this I am aware of.  But, in my defense, they are only little once and one day I'll be sitting alone in my rocking chair, covered in wrinkles (thanks sun) and will smell of moth balls and will only have my ...

Ok, seriously, the cake thing was wicked.  I loved every moment of it.  I loved meeting some of the most amazing people ever whom I intend on staying in touch with.  I loved learning how to bake properly - you know, with real measuring instead of guessing and tossing it in the bowl.  I hated modeling chocolate...but hey, you can't win everything.  I loved wearing my little white uniform and making it completely dirty every day.  I was the on-going joke with how dirty I got.  I simply couldn't help it...truly.  I loved how we ate lunch together either outside on the bench or upstairs in the lunch room.  I loved making gumpaste flowers but hated the grade I got after thinking I rocked it.  Pulling sugar...yeah, not so much either.  I learned more than I thought I ever could.  I learned a lot about cake decorating...but as you should, I learned a lot about other people and also about myself.  Cake decorating is hard and ex...

     I have a shadow.  Yes, I know, we all do at certain angles, in certain light.  But my shadow has nothing to do with the sun, my lack of shaving or being in a gloomy mood.  My shadow only hangs out for short periods of time during the year.  If you've seen me when my parents are around,  you've seen my shadow.  My Dad.  He is my side kick, my buddy, my sugar daddy, my shadow.       Funny thing about my Dad -  he used to drive me so incredibly nuts it was insane.  And I know I used to drive him nuts too.  Actually, I know I still do sometimes....but it's all good...we now know how to work it all out.       Dad stopped being my "boss", "manager", "slave-driver", when I got married.  After a single ceremony I wasn't his problem.  It was awesome.  All of a sudden I couldn't complain to Dad about things... there was some one else who got to deal with me...

I am a fast  girl.  No, not a fast runner.  I do things fast.  I eat fast.  Just ask my kids. I woof down my dinner and have to wait for them.  I sew fast....I love to hear the needle humming.  I breath fast.  I think fast (not always coherently, mind you).  I am going a mile a minute in my head often.  I clean fast.  Mow the lawn fast.  However, I do math slow.  :)      I know fast is good for some things. Good for getting to where you want to be on time.  For getting chores done.  For typing.  For jogging / walking / exercising.    But in reality, it is better to go at a bit slower pace.  I often talk to myself and try to calm the "fast" part of me down.  I can see where I am headed on the fast train. I know I am going to mess up and yet somehow, the fast side usually wins, despite the obvious consequences.  I am a clutz because of this need to be fast.  S...

    I have have been experiencing a lot of "new"s in my life of late.  New living situation.  New school.  New experiences daily that I am relishing, savouring and devouring.  I started school at the Bonnie Gordon College of Confectionary Arts on Sept 12 and in the past 10 days I have had the biggest smile on my face. You simply can't wipe it off...ok, it has been rubbed off a couple of times but at least it comes back quick if smeared away.      I am seeing new faces, meeting new people, doing new things.  As to new faces.  One of the discoveries I have made in this time is that the area of Eglinton and Allen is a beautiful Jewish neighbourbood.  There are lots of fancy cars and men wearing suits with their "kippa's".  There are a few bagel shops and an Israeli store by my school.  I have yet to venture in to get a bagel...but I will soon!  I love it all!  It's a new place with lots to discover....

     The person who is struggling the most with the girls going back to school isn't me after all...it's Luci.  I guess it's understandable.  She had 2 playmates with her all summer.  2 big girls who would do whatever she wanted, whenever she wanted.  One older one to go for walks around the block with and another to play barbies and polly pockets with. Her wish was their command!      Kamrin is Luci's other mom.  It's good and it's bad all at the same time.  I do enjoy having her home for the summer - I have a lot more flexibility and freedom to go out and she can babysit!  Mikka, well, she is another playmate...but Luci actually calls her Mom.  Often I will hear Lu call out, "Mom!" and I'll say "yes?" and she'll say, "No, not you, Mikka Mom!  You are Grandma!"...something I am not too thrilled about but let slide!  I am not ready to board the Grandma train quite yet!!!     ...